


i'll keep you safe, my angel

by alqhacentauri



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Borderline Personality Disorder, Hurt!Dan, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, basically dan has bpd and phils a good bf, i love projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 08:55:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17742887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alqhacentauri/pseuds/alqhacentauri
Summary: dan deals with a bpd episode, phil's there to comfort him





	i'll keep you safe, my angel

It was like heat, raging from the pit of his stomach to the tips of his fingers and everywhere in between. A driving force that kept him anxious, on his toes, paranoid that behind every doorway and lurking in every corner there was something, something out there. Something that wanted to get him. Or someone.

When Phil got up in the morning, the sound of their bedroom door closing as he shut it behind him made Dan startle, jump up from the sofa like he was scared to get hurt by whatever made the noise. Maybe he was. His heart was racing in his chest, thrumming in the back of his throat in a way that made him nauseated—he felt like he could throw up any moment.

Phil knew what was happening without even trying to analyze the situation. He’d been with Dan for ten years, knew all of the ins and outs of his mental health and anxiety spikes. Sometimes, he’d have a depressive episode, where he’d just need to lay on the couch and exist for a bit without doing anything. Sometimes, he’d have multiple panic attacks in a day, triggered by a seemingly non existent source.

And sometimes, his BPD would act up.

With BPD came the paranoia, and the impulses. The desperate need for change, immediate and drastic. Phil could count on two hands the number of times he’d found Dan in the bathroom with a pair of scissors and locks of hair strewn across the floor, an impromtu haircut being the thing he’d decided on going through with at two in the morning.

Phil was understanding, of course he was. What was the point in not being understanding? The times he’d questioned Dan or gotten angry had just led to emotional outbursts and terrible fights; Dan was scared of being abandoned, and as far as his mind was concerned, if Phil was angry, he was going to leave him.

That was a concept too painful to bear. 

So, Phil made sure to keep his voice gentle and his tone soft when he greeted Dan as he walked by the sofa. He poured them both a bowl of cereal, deciding against stealing any of Dan’s crunchy nut. Today wasn’t the day for that.

“Morning, love.” He said as he sat on the sofa beside Dan, scooting in just close enough that Dan wouldn’t over-analyze the distance between them, but also wouldn’t feel trapped or penned in.

“Morning.” He replied, his voice sounded utterly exhausted, and Phil could only assume he’d woken up much earlier than him. Probably between one and three AM, that’s when he usually found his sleep disturbed by the sickly feeling of dread in his stomach only BPD could produce.

“You okay?” Phil asked. He knew the answer already; of course Dan wasn’t okay. He was absolutely miserable, bags under his eyes and lips chapped and bruised from biting too hard. But he wanted Dan to focus on his emotions for just a moment, try to stabilize what he was really feeling. It was a technique that they’d stolen from therapy, and it worked. Most of the time at least.

“Yeah, yeah I’m just—“ He paused, brow wrinkled in thought. “I’m alright. Just… can you stay with me? For a little while?”

“Of course.” Phil muttered. He shuffled closer to Dan, letting him rest his head in the crook of his shoulder, hands intertwined between their criss crossed legs. This was all they needed for now, all Dan needed to focus on getting better. Sometimes, there were days where he wanted to be alone, away from everyone else, secluded from the rest of society and even the people he loved. 

But right now, in this moment, he was at peace. And that’s all he could ever ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading !! i rlly wanted to see some more bpd fics in the phandom as a person w/ bpd so,, i made one gfdhfdghg


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